#217 – Is perfectionism a deeper layer of safety?

When safety is our priority, we're not free: we're following rules set by the Ego and the 12 Money Ghosts.

I'd already discovered how an obsession with financial safety was keeping me stuck in fear and smallness, easily derailed from my creative drive.

Last night, I discovered a way in which I seek safety that's keeping me in chains: the need for perfection.

Between the ages of four and 15, I did ballet. I was about nine when the French director of the ballet studio, Mr. Baldini, set a new rule: every girl would wear a white elastic band around the waist, over the black maillot, and nothing could protrude above or below it. Which meant, if you had a "belly," you either lost it, sucked it in at all times, or left the studio.

Since that age (except for the time I was pregnant) I've monitored my "belly" in this way. Every single morning of my life, I've checked in the mirror, sideways, how the elastic band would sit in the middle of my body – and suffered as a result.

Last night, when I noticed myself sensing whether there was any "muffin-top" above the band of my panties, I realized I was stuck in not wanting to be kicked out of the metaphorical studio by keeping my belly flat.

The difference is, I'm 55 and don't do ballet anymore. No one checks the flatness of my belly and, even if they did, there wouldn't be any consequences.

So, why was I doing it?

Because I hadn't noticed the Ghost of Need to Prove still telling me I was in danger if my belly wasn't flat.

In other words, I was seeking safety behind a perfect body.

Where is seeking perfection your way to stay safe?

Love,

Carolina