#228 – What does openness give you that hope doesn't?

The act of hoping is, in itself, a judgment.

Hoping implies categorizing some life events as intrinsically, objectively "desirable," and others as "undesirable."

But is that true? Desirable according to whom? And for what purpose?

When my son started to eat regular food, my friend CB was surprised at the variety of his diet. She was convinced that children had to choose what they ate in order to get exactly the nutrients they needed. At the same time, she was worried sick because her daughter wasn't growing.

Without debating the merits of intuitive eating – I don't have enough evidence against or for – I thought it was an ill-advised practice.

A 20-month old child has experienced only a very small variety of foods – how could she know what she needs, if she doesn't even know what's out there? I didn't know how much I needed tahini until I knew it existed – at around 17!

Similarly, hoping is based on incomplete information. When I hoped my son wouldn't go to jail, what made me think his staying out would be a superior experience to his going in? I'd never had a son in jail versus a son out of jail.

Choosing openness instead of hope allowed me to experience the depth of the Taoist principle, "who knows what's good and what's bad?" What I now think is bad may bring me something I don't know I need but will make me a greater being and my life, richer.

Even though the experience of my son's having spent 129 nights in jail is earth-shattering and utterly uncomfortable, I truly feel lucky we're having it. It has enriched our lives in such unexpected ways that I wouldn't want what I hoped for, 130 days ago.

My 20-year old son has grown in four months what it's taking me 55 years – and counting. I now know he'll be a more well-rounded human being once he resumes his life as a free man.

Staying open is saying yes to life, however shape life may take. Because openness includes everything into the "desirable" category, while hope separates.

What would staying open give you now?

Love,

Carolina