#185 – Will wanting to be the best derail you?

In 2003, I was sure I wanted to be a writer. I contacted film production companies and went to writing seminars with famous authors. I wrote a novel, a collection of short stories accompanying a singer songwriter's album, several poems, and a three-part essay for an exhibition catalog.

Then one night, my Ego said to me: "but there are already too many great authors out there. You'll never reach those heights."

In August that year, I started to work on my PhD dissertation – I shoved my Poet back in her cage. She acquiesced: the rigidity of academic writing would be slightly uncomfortable, but at least it was safe.

Our modern culture seems to be based on ranking – which the Ego loves with manic enthusiasm.

Are you the top performer, the best, or at least, one of the best? Are you published by major houses or magazines and reviewed on the New York Times? How many authors do you surpass in five-star ratings/followers/likes?

If not, you better quit writing/creating/expressing yourself because – why bother?

That's because, even if it's not a conscious choice, we're biased to wanting to be the best. It's, obviously, the Ego's choice. Comparison, zero-sum game, if others win, that means I'm losing, etcetera.

The alternative is wanting to do the best we can.

I want to write to the best of my ability, to translate my inner life into words as best as I can, regardless of what happens outside. Followers, subscribers, five-star ratings, or reviews (or the lack thereof) don't validate/invalidate my inspiration to realize myself (my True Self) by writing.

What energy will you liberate when you shift from wanting to be the best to wanting to do your best?

Love,

Carolina