#273 – What's in your smile?

Years ago, while leading a negotiation workshop for women leaders at a prominent hedge fund in New Jersey, I lost my audience when I suggested to "smile more" as a tactic.

Faces grew long and somber. One leader raised her hand to ask, "Sorry... you're telling us to smile more?," an almost cartoonish expression of disbelief on her face.

I know: "smile more" is often code for "stay in your lane and just be nice," especially when coming from a male boss to his female subordinate.

But I didn't know how to get my point across, so I said, "well, this is advice to anyone in a negotiation, not just women. Smiling fosters goodwill in the counterpart."

The person asking wasn't satisfied with my response's "lack of nuance."

Today, while doing my morning pages, this memory popped up as I was writing about the fact that the word for happy in Spanish, "feliz," comes from the Latin "felix," which also means abundant, fruitful, or lucky.

And I suddenly got it: keeping a smile on your face even during the most difficult times sends the signal that no matter what's going on, you feel abundant, lucky, and fruitful. Happy.

So, if I suggest that you "smile more," I'm not inviting you to be all "sugar and spice, and everything nice" so that you please others –– or don't offend them with your seriousness, or beg for their goodwill.

The way I see it, smiling is an act of self-empowerment. When you smile, you're telling your Ego, "Hey, stand down! I've got this and it's all good!" And when you stop your Ego, the world notices.

What are your reasons to smile?

Love,

Carolina