#36–"Did you feel safe growing up?"

Barbara Huson asked me this generous question on a group call recently.

Well, only if and when I provided my own safety, I replied. Whenever things were out of my control, I never knew what to expect.

Would my father mock me because a movie made me cry?

Would my mother say I was disgusting because my fingernails were too long and (admittedly) filthy after hours playing outside?

Would I find my big sister lying on the couch, life-less like a rag doll, with her equally life-less-looking friends, a burnt spoon, a few syringes, and a lemon on the coffee table?

On a material level, all was fine: I had nice clothes to wear, delicious and abundant food to eat, a top-notch school to attend, a vast collection of classical music, jazz, flamenco, pop, and folk music to listen to...

But on a deep, personal level, I felt defenseless, exposed, in danger. Like at anytime, anyone can poke at me––or my sister could die on me while pretending to watch me.

That's why I never said what I liked or didn't like, want or didn't want, feel or didn't feel, need or didn't need.

Because someone always had an opinion (and what if I were "wrong?").

So, no: I didn't feel safe growing up.

But I do now, because I know I'm naturally creative, resourceful, and whole (like all human beings are).

Now, I'm well equipped to provide my own safety.

What belief do you need to release now so that you can move forward?

Love,

Carolina

PS: if you'd like to talk more about how money ghosts hold us back, click here to set up a 15-minute chat. I'm not offering coaching programs at this time, but I could speak at your event, write a guest article on your magazine/blog, or be a guest on your podcast.