#430 – What's your Ego's self-punishment of choice?

If, when things don't go as you wanted, you get upset or [fill in the blank], that might be your Ego punishing you.

This morning, I wanted to work my six hours before 2:30 pm. By 11:45, I was doing great––a cold and lumbalgia are keeping me from the gym, so I started early.

I was rubbing my mental hands in anticipation of all I could get done afterwards: write, cook, attend a UA meeting, rest?

Then, a notification popped up: my son was coming back from the "community control" office by Uber.

Now my hands were up in the air in desperation––why? He has no money and he's spending it on Ubers?

I started to write mean feedback to my fellow editor in the sheet I was working on. A job prospect that had felt aligned and almost universe-sent until three minutes ago, suddenly felt ridiculously impossible––what was I thinking, I heard in my head.

I finished work with a sunken chest, then applied to another job, made my bed, did my PM meditation, and, finally, my "morning" (ahem) pages (all while tracking my time).

Once again, I found the answer there: I was doing this to myself! Or better said, I was taking cues from my Ego, who, wanting to punish me for all my past, present, and future wrongs, had me throw my hands up in the air, etcetera.

By adopting "desperation" as my attitude, I became desperate.

Ego: 1, True Self: 0.

I then went to the store and I'm happy to report that the act of cooking brought me back to my sanity. The world isn't making me desperate––I'm doing it myself. I might as well get out.

In what circumstances do you need to stop taking cues from your Ego?

Love,

Carolina