#193 – Why do we go with other people's "right?"

One day, driving around my Madrid neighborhood with my mother, I realized why I allowed her (and other people) to "get it their way."

If I was sure that "my way" was the "right" way, allowing them "their way" would lead to the inescapable demonstration of their mistake – and hence my righteousness. Later, because I was so generous, I wouldn't gloat. I'd just revel in the cosmic restitution of my infinite wisdom.

Instead of arguing and losing my voice trying to convince the other person of their mistake, I sat back and allowed events to unfold. This would've been truly wise, if it weren't just an elaborate and twisted plot of the Ghost of Need to Prove (GoNtP).

I didn't sit back with curiosity and the humility of knowing that I don't know what I don't know. I did it with a "suit yourself" kind of attitude, a sarcastic internal smile waiting to see who laughs last.

The added "benefit" to my Ego was the sense that I'd been wronged, that I was, in effect, a victim of someone else's stubbornness.

In reality, it was just one more way I gave away my power.

What to do instead, if arguing and becoming blue in the face trying to convince others isn't what we want either?

Apply curiosity and leave open the possibility that you are also mistaken – at least in part. Remember the first rule of healthy relationships:

"Everyone's right... partially."

Instead of being 100% sure, tone down your certainty – maybe to 78% – but stand up for yourself and your truth. That day with my mother in Madrid, I could've said, "I'm not trying to tell you how to drive, but in my experience, Alberto Aguilera tends to be less congested than San Bernardo at this time of the day. Would you like to try that way?"

If you believe in your truth, be humble enough – and brave enough – to risk making a mistake, because that's when you'll learn the most.

Going with other people's "right" may be easier, but it won't help you grow.

What right-for-you decisions do you need to stand up for to take one more step in your evolution?

Love,

Carolina