#483 – What stories do you keep spinning even to yourself?

Self-deception is probably the most dangerous habit we humans engage in. It’s dangerous because it keeps us in la-la-land while Rome burns. And it’s dangerous because it shows up in disguise—care for others, sacrifice, self-protection.

I wrote in my morning pages, “…to be honest.” That made me laugh because why would I not be honest in my own journal, knowing that no one will ever read it?

Staring at the phrase, I spotted a girl with an iPhone and a clipboard, directing the shoot: “More light here, let’s hide this side.” I looked closely, and underneath the makeup and the wavy-hair wig I saw the real PR-in-chief—my Ego.

Lying to yourself about yourself, your Ego says, makes living more bearable. You justify your shortcomings, rationalize your bad behavior, excuse your misdemeanors.

But the real problem isn’t the lying. It’s the judgment that triggers it. When you believe you did something “wrong” or acted “in bad faith,” when you behave (in thought or action) in ways that contradict your self-image, the PR person sends in the makeup team. Covering up the blunders, you can sleep again. You’re back to being the “good” person you want to be.

What if you quit judging yourself altogether? What if you just went: “I thought this. Ok.” “I said that. Ok.” “I did the other. Ok.”

Then there’d be nothing to cover up. You’d just see yourself as a person—no good or bad or likable, generous, selfish necessary.

Self-honesty, then, would mean: this is who I am, and it’s ok. Sometimes I do things that hurt others, and I’m sorry—but it’s ok. Sometimes I have fears, and that’s ok. Sometimes I don’t feel “spiritual,” and that’s ok.

Your Ego would, of course, freak out. But that’s ok too.

What stories about yourself will you drop so you can fire your PR-in-chief?

Love,

Carolina