#296 – What part of you resists being "on hold?"

Waiting for something to happen––a process to end, your phone to ring, a lab result to arrive––can feel like torture. The uncertainty is unnerving: will it happen? When? What will be the outcome?

And what can I do while I wait?

Today I'm waiting for an IKEA delivery. I paid extra to have a bed frame for my son delivered today, so my husband and I can assemble it together. They told me to expect it between 12 and 4pm. Not bad, I thought at first.

Until noon came and went, and I started to feel trapped. I need to go to the store, but what if they come while I'm gone? And if I don't go because I'm waiting and they end up coming at 4pm, I'll have wasted all day––waiting.

And because "on hold," I resist starting anything meaningful because what if they come and I'm in flow, writing?

It's like a part of my brain wants to stay alert to the thing I'm waiting for. And that alertness prevents me from being present to any other aspect.

What is that part? It's the Head of the What-if-something-goes-wrong Department, aka, my Ego.

It wants to be sure that all the t's are crossed and all the i's are dotted before taking a single step. And therefore, it keeps you stuck in the "on hold" state, what some people call "the liminal state:" when you're neither here nor there.

What does the True Self do instead?

It relaxes into the wait. "Ok," it says, "since I'm here waiting for the truck, I might as well write a newsletter post" (this one).

I'm waiting for––expecting––other things as well: the most significant, the depositions of four key witnesses in my son's case in two days, and a new hearing in four.

But I can't postpone living, and I won't.

What will you stop postponing, and let it happen when it happens?

Love,

Carolina