#12–On the other side of the need to prove

Since I can remember until a couple weeks ago, the Ghost of Compulsive Need to Prove has shaped my behavior.

When I was four, my parents left me with some friends for a day. The family of four took me with them to their exclusive beach club, and we ate in its fancy restaurant.

I ordered a grilled sole and, when it arrived at the table, the wife motioned to take the plate so she'd debone the fish for me.

I grabbed the silver cutlery (fish fork with left hand, fish knife with right hand) and stopped her. "I can do it," I said, "I'm very practical." And I showed them. Her laughter still rings in my ear, 50 years later.

And for 50 years, that four-year-old lemme show you what I can do response has been triggered in me:

• anytime I felt my competence/knowledge/ability questioned
• anytime I felt my coolness or worldliness underestimated or ignored
• anytime I saw an opportunity to wow someone with my erudition or skills––all those "darlings" that I didn't dare killing*?
• anytime I felt threatened by someone whom I secretly thought was more competent/skilled/cool...––the harsh criticism I offered, unsolicited

The biggest downside? Anytime you feel the need to prove and act upon it, you're giving your power away.

Where can you find the Ghost of Compulsive Need to Prove within yourself?

Love,

Carolina

*At the risk of sounding that I need to prove (which I don't, but I'm not going to convince you because it doesn't matter what you think, since I no longer need to prove and your opinion of me isn't going to change my life), I'll take a moment here to explain. "Kill your darlings" is a well-known piece of advice that writers get, which recommends that we rid our writing of elements that don't add value to the text but sound fancy. My attachment to my "darlings" was my need to prove, my showing off (what I thought were) my writing skills.