#354 – What will you gain when you stop owning what's not yours?

The line where your responsibility ends and other people's response to your actions begins protects your freedom––and by extension, theirs.

Let's say your words caused an unexpected reaction in your friend. She frowned at you, showing her disappointment because you'd think that way.

And you go and do... nothing. You don't apologize for your words having landed the wrong way. You don't try to explain yourself or justify where your reasoning came from. You shrug and move on with your day.

Did you do the "right" thing or did you eschew your responsibility?

As a coach, I used to think that you owed it to those around you to measure your words so that they wouldn't be offended, etcetera. Now I know that's manipulation.

You need to tell the truth (without seeking to harm, of course), because that's not only your right, but also your responsibility. And how others digest it... that's not your business.

So, back to your friend: if she's disappointed in you for what you said, do you owe her an apology?

If you intended to harm her, yes, because that'd fall into your responsibility.

But if you didn't intend to harm her, and she, by the experiences she has accumulated along her life, found your words upsetting, then no.

Her upset has nothing to do with you, and owning it won't help anyone involved. The only reasonable thing to do is nothing. Let go.

As the saying goes, "not your circus, not your monkeys."

What "monkeys" that aren't yours will you stop owning, to get your freedom back?

Love,

Carolina