#462 – How can you receive feedback with equanimity?

"Feedback is a gift," they say. Sure. But how can you appreciate it for what it is, and not the attack on your integrity your Ego takes it for?

That's the question I grappled with this morning, reflecting on what happened as I reviewed yesterday's edits to my work.

Since the task was in English and I'm not a native English speaker, some of the edits made me want to disappear––the Ghost of Misplaced Shame perched on my shoulder, tsk tsk, shaking its head.

That was familiar. Like when that CEO told me he thought I "had more seniority," his Cheshire cat's smile glowing on the other side of my screen, and I ended up withdrawing my invoice for the work I’d done with his Exec Team.

But other edits caused my Ghost of Need to Prove to kick my shin: Wake up! This is wrong––you've got to show them who you are! And then I found myself hammering the keyboard as I laid out the very technical reasons I was right and the reviewer was wrong.

But neither doormat-humility nor high-nose-arrogance lead to peace––or productive collaboration.

How can I take feedback with a cool head and a neutral heart? How can I maintain my equanimity while correcting the mistake someone else spotted, or rejecting the suggestion?

I realized the answer resides––like almost everything in life––in soft front/strong back. This is the Buddhist* concept of letting everything in without resistance, while staying supported by your inner strength.

Your soft front allows you to receive the feedback, while your strong back lets you determine what to do with it, without losing your ground.

Soft enough to listen. Strong enough to stand your ground.

What becomes possible when you meet feedback with curiosity instead of defense?

Love,

Carolina

*Roshi Joan Halifax