#303 – Who talks in always/never terms?

Nuance requires the capacity to handle uncertainty with grace. But for the part of your mind for which uncertainty equals danger, nuance is an obstacle to safety.

That part is your Ego. It's the voice in your head that tells you you always mess up or you never succeed.

This morning, writing my morning pages, the word "always" appeared on the page. I was "blaming myself for something I always do," to quote my Ego.

As soon as I noticed the word, I asked myself, "am I sure it's always?" The thing I was blaming myself for was choosing bad AirBnB accommodations and then leave them mid-stay because the place was really horrible.

So, to counter my Ego's argument, I recounted my previous stays in my head: yes, some of them had been really bad. But some were memorable. Clearly "always" didn't apply. Besides, who's to say what is good and what is bad?

Anyway, today I discovered another trick the Ego plays in my mind––maybe it does it in yours too.

It wants me to think that I can't change, improve, or evolve. That my "failures" and "successes" (or lack thereof) are my identity. It wants me to "be the person who always chooses bad AirBnB accommodations."

Why does it talk like that? Because if it allowed room for maybe, that would give way uncertainty. And then, it'd go berserk. Like a child––"but are we going to get ice cream yes or no?"––, it needs to know.

What 'always' and 'nevers' will you drop from your language to show your Ego who's in charge?

Love,

Carolina