#115 – What is real courage?

Zen Buddhist Roshi Joan Halifax describes it as follows:

“All too often our so-called strength comes from fear, not love; instead of having a strong back, many of us have a defended front shielding a weak spine. In other words, we walk around brittle and defensive, trying to conceal our lack of confidence.

If we strengthen our backs, metaphorically speaking, and develop a spine that’s flexible but sturdy, then we can risk having a front that’s soft and open, representing choiceless compassion.

The place in your body where these two meet—strong back and soft front—is the brave, tender ground in which to root our caring deeply.” 

How does this manifest in us?

When we cultivate this "strong back, soft front," we don't decide who deserves our compassion and in which circumstances. We grant it to all beings all the time because making it conditional would require judgment, which in itself contradicts compassion.

Retaliation is futile; so is resentment.

With a soft front, we’re not guarded against others or their actions. We receive whatever comes our way with openness, and our strong back keeps us standing tall through it all.

This is antifragility*: the ability to rebuild ourselves, even after being broken.

But when our front is our strong part, we’re armored and hard, avoiding vulnerability out of fear. We fear losing status, so we hide our true selves—what would they think of me if they saw me cry?

In protecting a hardened front, we relinquish our Personal Power. It’s not crying or showing hurt that diminishes us; it’s fearing that others might find out.

When have you felt that vulnerability gave you strength?

Love,

Carolina

*Antifragility is a concept developed by Nicholas Nassim Taleb and explained in depth in his insightful book, Antifragile: Things That Gain From Disorder.