#76 – What's uncomfortable about owning your power?

Having power isn't wrong, but abusing it makes it harmful.

I once asked a group of women, "who here wants more power?"

They all raised their hands, nodding and grunting.

I then asked, "who here loves power?"

The room went silent and faces went straight. Until a woman said, "I mean, I like it, but love? Love...?"

This discomfort is common when discussing power.

We don't want to be "authoritarian," so we reject power altogether because we believe it's synonymous with abuse and oppression.

We see power as a limited pie, and we fear having too much because it means someone else must have less.

That's a falsehood that comes from confounding personal power with the abuse of positional power.

Personal Power

Personal power is intrinsic to everyone, no matter our rank or status.

Our personal power allows us to make decisions according to our own set of values.

When we fully own our personal power, we're free to do, be, and think anything we want, without the need to justify anything to others.

No one or nothing can give us our personal power.

But we can give it away.

For example, when we don't voice our opinion in a meeting because we feel like an imposter and we fear we'll be found out if we speak up, we're giving away our power.

Or when we allow others to interrupt us while we're articulating our points and then retreat into a corner and don't finish our thoughts.

Or when we acquiesce because it feels easier than to state our ground.

Positional Power

Positional power is the rank or status that someone is given which allows them to influence a group.

A manager has positional power, and so does a teacher, a football team coach, a conductor of an orchestra, etcetera.

Positional power is role-dependent and circumstantial, rather than permanent or intrinsic.

Force

Force is how the abuse of positional power shows up in the world. Bang on the table "because I say so."

Now that you know that owning your personal power isn't the same as using force, I have a question for you:

What could change if you fully embraced your personal power?

Love,

Carolina