#519 – How do your meticulous plans for the future pay off?

"I place the future in the hands of God."

– A Course In Miracles, lesson 194

When you think you're in charge of the future, every decision you make requires an exhaustive audit of the potential consequences. Ergo, you’re stuck––what if something goes wrong?

Only when you acknowledge that you don't have any control over what's to come, can you have peace.

After months of anxiety over "what's gonna happen," today's lesson, "I place the future in the hands of God,” seemed to unclench a spigot in the middle of my chest, and warm tears started flowing. I sensed relief: if there's nothing I can do to guarantee anything about the future, I might as well relax and live today as it comes.

Everything since my son was arrested and sent to jail for 10 months made me aware that I'm only in charge of what I do, think, and feel. The rest is up to life itself––you may call it God, the Universe, the Supreme Intelligence, or Bob.

Still, my Ego insisted it was up to me to "get things right." 

"Ok," I said. "I can't change the past, so I’ll plan the perfect future."

Because I kept failing, obviously, my Ego became angry. And ashamed: how could you let this happen to you? What will you let happen in the future?

I tried to appease my Ego by being anxious: if it sees me biting my nails and running like a chicken with my head cut off, it'll leave me alone, I thought. 

Ha! The more I fought reality, the more assertive my Ego felt, and the more it made me to want to control.

Until today’s lesson. It’s not up to me, so I might as well give up––and give it up to life to do life for me.

What will you give up to relax into the present?

Love,

Carolina