#517 – What makes you choose problem over peace?

What if, where I see a problem, it's just life unfolding? In other words, am I "problemizing" life?

Earlier in my Milwaukee house and job hunting, I'd noticed that whenever things got too easy, I grew suspicious. If the perfect house, in the perfect location and price range was available, what was the catch? If a potential employer responded too quickly, was it a scam?

In a split second, I sensed doubt replacing excitement, and mistrust replacing hopefulness. What drives me to do that, I asked myself?

Discovering my fear of solitude made me wonder whether I had a special attachment to worrying––was worrying a habit I fed in order to avoid aloneness?

Worrying feels like throwing a party for the Ego and Ghosts in my mind. Their loud chatter drives me crazy, but at least it fills the silence. It fills the emptiness that would force me to face my creativity ("or lack thereof," yell the Ghosts).

When I worry, I'm not alone: the Ghosts are there, turning all the stones until all flaws are uncovered.

If I can't sit in the emptiness of my mind, creating something new becomes impossible. When your mind is filled with recycled thoughts and second-hand images, there's no space for new ideas.

If I can't create (because, "problems") I never get to prove that I'm not the deep, talented writer I deem myself to be.

Worrying is my Ego protecting me from failure––what if I stopped?

What habits that protect you from failure are you ready to quit?

Love,

Carolina