#425 — How do you tell someone they have a problem?

Thinking that you need to tell someone they have a problem is, within the category of contempt, the worst offender.

Because, what, you think they don’t know? Are you that arrogant?

I am—well, my Ego is.

My son gained 40 pounds while in jail. He ate out of anxiety, fear, boredom. And what he ate was not the most healthy food.

We reassured him: “you’re 20, don’t worry, you’ll lose it fast, as soon as you can start exercising and eating real food.”

Only, he’s on house arrest, not allowed to go to the gym or take walks. He can walk to and from work, but still hasn’t found a job.

So, he’s anxious, afraid, and bored. And he eats.

Even though the food we have at home is healthy, overeating is overeating, and the outcome is one: weight gain.

Last night, I was thinking of “nonviolent” ways to bring that up: I can put it this way, or that way… I thought of asking therapist friends, or even ChatGPT! Yeah, no, bad idea, I know.

I’m happy to report that I woke up from the trance before saying anything.

What was making me assume he doesn’t know he has a problem? His belly is with him 24/7. He knows he’s overeating because he’s the one doing it.

I can only offer emotional support: to see him as he is inside, and pray that he finds the courage (or the moment) to do something about it. What? I don’t know—that’s for him to decide.

I can offer him to talk about it, if he wants to. But only he has the key to solve his problems—as I do mine. To grow, we all need to face our struggles and deal with them.

Thinking I need to point out to him something he already knows is nothing but contempt, arrogance, hubris.

What “pointing out” will you stop doing to stand up to your Ego and allow others to grow?

Love,

Carolina