#495 – Can grief make you lazy, listless, and defeated?

You’ve heard it many times: everyone grieves differently. But how do you know when you are grieving?

My son spent 10 months in jail. Upon release in August 2025, he wasn’t allowed to leave the house except for doctor's appointments, probation check-ins, and haircuts.

He could also go to work––but who hires an inexperienced, 20-year-old convicted felon in Miami Beach these days?

Meanwhile, I keep thinking of the defense he had. The legal fees we paid (over $100K). The scheme we feel like we were led through. The gigantic holes in his defense, the apparent spinelessness of his "legal team," the blind eye the judge turned.

Maybe I'm not seeing things clearly. Maybe that’s because I’m wounded.

I feel lazy, desperate, unfocused. Tired. Despondent. Emotional. Only okay when constantly doing. 

I don't meditate, I barely write, I go to the gym just to hang out and drink the "coladita" [Cuban coffee]. 

Yesterday, a thought flashed in my mind: am I grieving? Is my despondency a signal? 

Remembering how I lived through last year, I see my constant "hanging in there," my clenched fists, switching from flimsy branch to even flimsier branch, drunk on hope that things would resolve and we’d be made whole again.

So now, seeing our bleak reality, that hope feels ridiculous, and I’m angry and embarrassed.

Yes, this is grief. I can’t cure it or force it out. I just need to stay patient (open) and let the pain grow as big as it gets until it leaves me.

And to remember that none of this is my fault––I didn’t cause it, I can’t control it, I can’t change it.

What feelings might you accept as signals that you're grieving?

Love,

Carolina