#297 – What's cozy about keeping an enemy list?

Clinging to our grudges seems to put us in a position of power.

If I'm the one holding the grudge, I am the one shunning you from "my land," and therefore, I have some power over you. I limit you and, by doing so, I protect my righteousness.

Alas, I also limit myself––because by refusing to hear your side of the story, I remain closed to the fact that you're also, at least, 2% right.

Yesterday, as I tried to remember the timeline in my son's case, I went into the court's dockets. The day after the aggression, the alleged victim was granted a restraining order from my son.

During the 197 days since then, the doctor (who in fact:

1. Followed my son to the elevator
2. Prevented the doors from closing
3. Continued following him when he looked for an alternative exit
4. Blocked his way back to the elevator
5. Prevented again the doors from closing
6. Attempted to take his phone from his hand
7. Grabbed the collar of his jacket to...
8. Pull him out of the elevator, and
9. Tried to take him down by doing a judo move, as the CCTV footage shows)

has maintained his stance. He says he's afraid of my son and doesn't want him out of jail. He's pressured the prosecutor so that he wouldn't adjust pre-trial release conditions.

Why? Because if he let go of this "grudge," he'd need to face the truth of his actions (which he's well aware of). And that truth would (will) cost him dearly––in reputation, credibility, money, and probably his license.

Like all other self-protecting mechanisms, holding grudges gives us the illusion of safety by control––if I control who can reach me, I'm safe.

So, like it does with those jeans you bought in college that still fit you but you never wear, the Ghost of Clinging to Useless Possessions insists that you don't throw away the grudge. If you're able to control your body to fit into those jeans, it tells you, then you can also control your "peace." You just need to decide whom you'll always keep at a distance.

But when you limit your "enemy's" reach by holding up your grudges as though they're sandbags around you, you're also restraining your own movement. And if you can't move, you won't grow.

How will you grow when you clear up your "enemy list?"

Love,

Carolina