#165 – Is hope pulling you away from what is?

I've been writing about embracing life wholeheartedly, being happy no matter what, and allowing life to unfold and yet, when yesterday some news was not what I expected – or wanted – to hear, I collapsed.

The dream I'd built in my head was disappointed by life itself. Or more accurately, by me, when life itself showed me what was real.

So now I'm asking myself and you, how can I stay present with reality as it is, while maintaining hope. Is that even possible? Or is hope futile – even worse, harmful?

After hearing and digesting the news, my husband convinced me that a walk would be helpful (he was right, because movement helps a stuck mind to change perspectives).

As we walked briskly in the dusk's gentle breeze by the ocean, he kept asking why this was that way, and we needed to ask for this reparation and that explanation.

I said, "Yes, in time, we can ask for all that." I paused. A crack was opening in my mind and some rays of light were coming through. I continued, "Or we can just be and let things happen."

In her book, When Things Fall Apart, Pema Chödrön writes, "hope robs us of the present moment," and that's precisely what I felt in my bones. 

By being attached to the hope that a specific outcome was to happen for life to “get back to normal,” I was avoiding the experience of life. Why? Because life as it is now is difficult and hoping seems easier – at least there’s a way out!

But I now understand that life is requiring me to relax into myself in the circumstance in front of me – as it is. The wind, the soles of my feet as I walk, my son's suffering: that’s what my life is now and I can’t wait until the circumstances change to experience it fully. I need to do it now – because this is what “no matter what” means.

When has hope kept you from life itself?

Love,

Carolina

PS: I’ve compiled the first 91 essays in this series in a book, Unfolding Your Mind: Notes on Ghosts, Power, and the Self. If you’d like to buy it for you or someone else, you can get it on Kindle or paperback here. Thank you!