#231 – What's the source of your indecision?

"If you have more than one reason to do something (choose a doctor or veterinarian, hire a gardener or an employee, marry a person, go on a trip), just don’t do it. It does not mean that one reason is better than two, just that by invoking more than one reason you are trying to convince yourself to do something. Obvious decisions (...) require no more than a single reason."

Nicholas Nassim Taleb, Antifragile.

In June of 1992, standing in the balcony of the 10th floor office I worked at, the guy I'd been dating for a year suggested I move in with him.

I looked at my hands holding the black handrail, at Old Madrid rooftops, and at the street where little figures were living their lives. I was 21, still in college, and didn't have a plan (or a clue) for my life.

Seconds later, I heard myself saying, "Okay!"

I felt "resonance:" a knowing that something is right for you. That it's what you must do – no questions asked. Others call this a "whole-body yes," and a "hell, yes!"

Like N.N. Taleb, I'd argue that when you don't immediately know the answer in your guts, you better say no.

The problem is, we think we're rational. So we go to our mind: "what do you think, mind? Should I say yes, should I say no?"

That's how you invite the Ego and the Ghosts to get in your head and start opining:

Ghost of Time Indifference: Yes, go ahead. There's never enough time.

Ghost of Misplaced Guilt: You're leaving your mom and dad? How can you do that to them?

Ghost of Need to Prove: Do it! You're not a child anymore and have to live your life.

Ghost of Idea Deflection: But what if it doesn't work out?

Blah-blah-blah.

The chatter fogs your intuition. You don't decide.

As master risk preventers, the Ego and Ghosts want you to always feel good. But when something's new like this, they can't be certain that you will – how could they?

So they make up things: reasons for yes and reasons for no based on whatever they pick: "but he drinks tea in the morning and you drink coffee," "but he didn't finish high school".

None of that matters when your guts know the answer. If you'd just listen.

What decision is taking you too long to make?

Love,

Carolina

PS: That guy in the balcony? We've been together for 33 years now.