#58 – What are you seeing that isn't there?

Me? I saw mockery in someone's eyes. Boredom in another's. Disappointment and eye-rolls coming from 12 slouching backs and blank faces.

It happened during one of the first gigs I did with the communication consulting firm in New York. It was communication training for a group of analysts who were being promoted to associates at a Suisse bank.

It was a big day for the bank, filled with lush lunches and snacks, keynote speeches, guest appearances, and training.

As I was standing in the conference room, in front of the group I'd been assigned to, I noticed one of the young bankers looking at my legs.

I was wearing a very nice dress and a pair of Stuart Weizman's pointed black kitten heels. But the stockings were too nacre-y, shiny and almost white. When I realized that, back at the office, it was already too late and hadn't time to change.

The banker's look made me feel like an old lady.

In his look, I saw, "Why do we have to put up with this old lady with her 1987 legs, who doesn't even know what she's doing, while the others are enjoying their training with the best consultants––the British guy and the one who used to be a lawyer?"

A wave of heat surged from my chest to my face. I was sure everyone could see I'd turned red. I lost my train of thought and couldn't finish the sentence. My arms had stopped mid-air and fell on my sides. My chest collapsed and my shoulders dropped.

Do I know for a fact that the young banker was having that specific thought?

No.

But, did I believe it?

Yes.

As a result? It was the worst performance of my life. The shame haunted me for years.

And all because an imaginary thought.

What are you seeing that isn't there and is upsetting you to the point of collapse?

Love,

Carolina