#20–Undervaluing and the inability to say no

Another side effect of our undervaluing is that we don't dare saying no.

We think that if we say no, we'll be rejected. And even though it's us who don't want something or someone, the prospect of being "not wanted" kills us inside.

But the tragic thing is that we learn to passive-aggressively show our no instead of verbally expressing it or firmly acting upon it:

• we acquiesce and then don't follow up (for example with work requests)
• we say "no" to unwanted sexual advances with a smile on our face or a very little voice (I'm sure many women will recognize their younger selves in this scenario)
• we apply for jobs we're not qualified for (this is tricky, because it could be seen as a sign of overconfidence. My take is that it's a sign that we're giving away our power for others––the hiring manager, in this case––to tell us whether or not we're right)
• we "ghost" people instead of ending relationships (personal or professional) with mature conversations

It's like we don't feel worthy of being who we are or want to be, and so we don't set boundaries to protect our integrity.

What would you say no to, if you valued your self above anything else?

Love,

Carolina