#126 – What makes asking questions so empowering?

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When my client C.F. became CEO of a venture-backed digital marketing firm, he felt under constant scrutiny. To him, leadership meant having all the answers and "performing" at all times.

That’s why he hesitated when I suggested he use the most powerful tool in any CEO toolkit: asking questions.

After some training and role-playing, he decided to give it a go at his upcoming board meeting. When we spoke afterward, he was transformed.

Where he once felt trapped in a bubble, struggling to stay afloat, he now felt he could engage with the board as an equal partner in the conversation. Instead of feeling pressured to "perform," he felt empowered to lean into a generative dialogue.

The difference may seem subtle – "what's the big deal about asking questions" you may wonder. It's enormous.

When we feel under scrutiny, what we really fear is judgment. Our Ego, the ultimate Judge, fuels that fear; because we judge others, we assume others are judging us.

That’s when the Ghost of Need to Prove (GoNtP) appears, arranging our hair, straightening our shirt, and making sure all our notes are correct. It convinces us that it's either perfection or rejection.

By asking questions, we break free from the GoNtP’s grip. We signal, “I’ve got nothing to prove.” In asking, we take back our power, stepping beyond the fear of judgment.

And yes, others notice the difference. Letting go of the need to perform sets you free, and freedom is magnetic.

In what upcoming situation could asking questions help you break free from your GoNtP?

Love,

Carolina