#178 – Will your Ego ever leave you alone?

Short answer: no. But you created it, so you might as well train it so it doesn't ruin your relationships.

In truth, it's yourself whom you need to train. You need to learn to ignore its demands and tantrums. The question is, how?

I remember one of my first job interviews in New York. I didn't know what 'being myself' really meant yet, so I always tried to be whatever I thought the other person wanted me to be.

That morning, I was sitting in front of someone I assumed had more power than me, looking up to her as though she'd arrived – whereas I hadn't even started.

With the straightest back I could muster, and my "good dog" attitude, I felt so proud of myself for having smart answers to all of her questions. I could almost feel my Ego patting me on the back.

At one point, a long necklace I was wearing bumped onto the interviewer's desk, waking me up from my "perfect interviewee" dream. My Ego turned at me and screamed: "what are you doing? Stop with the yes ma'am act! Where is your spine?"

Hearing that, I went a different route: I placed my elbow on her desk and rested my head on my hand – like showing who's boss here. My Ego then widened its eyes like full moons and offered me its final coup de grâce: "who do you think you are and where do you think you're going?"

Even my ears got heated. I floundered. I needed out of there asap. Needless to say, I didn't get hired.

See how your Ego can mess things up, if/when you listen to it? Here's what you can do instead:

First, you identify when the Ego is trying to get in charge.

The clues range from physical signs like your face getting hot, stomach in knots, or heart thumping, to more subtle mental patterns: "you're gonna listen to me whether you want it or not," "you think I'm a slow driver? Just watch me!," or "I thought he loved me – how could he treat me that way!"

Second, you assert your power and make it clear who's really in charge.

To do that, you don't fight with your Ego or find it wrong. After all, you built it to protect you when you were very young because you thought you needed protection. Now that you know you don't need that type of protection, you can just reassure it that you can handle the situation on your own, from your True Self – who never gets a red face or vengeful thoughts.

So, you calmly say to your Ego, "thank you for trying to help, but I can handle this." And if it insists, you can tell it, "I may need your help tomorrow; today, I've got this!"

Third, you let your Ego do its thing while you don't pay attention to it – you just don't!

Now, in job interviews or any other interactions, I know how to be myself: when I notice the Ego making my face go hot or my mind go berserk, I relax into it until the wave fades. I remind myself that I'm the ocean, not the waves.

And if the person I'm interacting with doesn't like the ocean, that doesn't say anything about me.

What relationship did improve when you let your Ego do its thing without getting involved?

Love,

Carolina