#109 – What about taking responsibility?

The antidote to the victimhood mentality and the tendency to assign blame is, apparently, to take responsibility.

But what happens when our Ego, our cruelest inner dictator, takes over, acting like an internalized auto-bully?

Then we're hit by the double arrow, as Buddhism refers to it.

The first arrow is the painful event itself: that business failure we believe is fatal, the loss of the client, or the one-star review.

The second arrow is the sting of shame or guilt we get when our Ego steps in to whisper, "It's all your fault." We caused the failure, we lost the client, we provided the lousy service that deserved the bad review.

When self-help gurus talk about taking responsibility, they're referring to learning from our mistakes. If our business idea failed, what did we learn that will help us in our next project? If the big client walked away, what could we have done (if anything) to prevent it? If someone gave us a one-star review, are sure it was about us – and not about them?

But the Ego doesn't care about learning. This inner dictator thrives on control, shame, rigidity, and self-focus. It tells us that not only are we responsible for the blunder – we're horrible because of it.

In the eyes of the Ego, to take responsibility is to receive punishment. It wants us to change completely who we are, or, if we can't, to at least hide our true self. Or, if we can't hide who we really are, "at least have the decency to be ashamed."

So, the antidote to victimhood and finger-pointing isn't to take responsibility. It's to accept the event as something necessary for us. Something that inevitably carries a lesson, a message, or a blessing.

Our task is to find out which one it is – from curiosity and not blame, shame, or guilt.

When did you encounter an apparent hard pill to swallow that ended up being the catalyst for your fulfillment?

Love,

Carolina