#278 – Where does your pre-emptive regret come from?

As I glanced at a recent New Yorker story, the strong indecision author Sarah Miller recounts having experienced intrigued me: "(...) the level of torture I put myself through deciding whether to get that initial Botox (...)."

As I walked back from the supermarket, having read only the opening paragraphs at the register line, I thought about what made the decision so difficult for her.

Did she fear not liking how her face would look after the treatment? Or that something might go wrong causing health implications?

Or was this her Ego rolling its eyes at her "frivolousness" for wanting to look younger, while at the same time, her Ghost of Need to Prove was practically making the appointment because, of course you need to prove you're still young, and you matter, and still have a lot to offer.

Whatever the decision, when you're stuck trying to make one, it means that too many opinions are fighting for your attention.

And since your True Self knows, these other flip-flopping opinions can't come but from the Ego and the Ghosts.

I've been there too:

• Should I pursue my PhD or a literary career?
• Should I stay in this soul-crushing job just for the pay?
• Should I relocate with my family to the US, leaving behind our life, friends, and family in Madrid to pursue my dream?

True, some decisions aren't easy to make – too many factors to consider, etcetera.

But are we truly considering all the factors, or are we fearing all the ways our decision may lead to an outcome we won't like?

It sounds like typical work of the Ego, your personal Head of Risk Management, wanting to check all the boxes before it gives you the go –– are you sure, are you sure, are you sure?

Well, no, I'm not sure, but neither are you, I could answer the Ego, so I might as well try. And since both success and failure are empty concepts, I will only be grateful for whatever the outcome is.

Because, whatever the outcome, it'll be a new step in my personal evolution.

Where in your life might be pre-emptive regret keeping you stuck?

Love,

Carolina