#201 – Who enjoys *your* guilty feelings?

Not working/studying/exercising enough, eating/drinking too much, sleeping in instead of meditating, watching an episode of Bad Sisters in the middle of the workday, coming up with a lame excuse to avoid meeting up with someone... All these behaviors make many of us feel guilty.

Why? What can be the benefit of someone's feeling guilty over any of this?

Some social scientists argue that guilt plays a role in society, as it helps individuals conform to social rules. In other words, guilt shapes people's behaviors. At least, that's what they wish.

If that were true, if guilt over past behaviors made a real difference in our future behavior, addiction wouldn't exist, we'd all be good neighbors, loving parents, dedicated students, and effective business owners. We'd all be in perfect shape, spiritually advanced, and compassionate friends.

As we all know, life isn't that way.

What, then, is the purpose of guilt? What makes our Ghost of Misplaced Guilt (GoMG) come out of the shadows to make us feel small and dirty over something we did – which, by the way, is unchangeable because it's in the past?

It comes down to survival: a remnant from your childhood, when abandonment would literally mean death. Whenever you did something your caregivers didn't approve of, they "taught" you how they wanted you to behave instead, blackmailing you with feelings of guilt into being the way they wanted – or else...

You mistook guilty feelings for a sign of being wrong and needing correction.

But you're an adult now, you own your self and your actions, intentions, and behaviors. What can you do when you yourself don't approve of those?

Learn. You make life, not the GoMG, your teacher.

Let's say one day you eat too much because it's yummy, or because you're distracted, bored, or stressed out. Half an hour later, your stomach hurts and you feel beat up.

What's most effective then?

1. To feel guilty over eating too much? Or
2. To learn that eating this much makes you sick, so next time you eat less?

Where in your life do you need to bust your GoMG?

Love,

Carolina