#293 – What's the key to emotional resilience?

This morning I was feeling lonely and sad, as I wrote in my morning pages. Of course, seeing my current situation (son, ankle, underemployment), anyone would understand.

Yeah, but. What about the "joy is a choice" statement?

Right! I needed to let go of the emotions that were blocking my joy, then.

Isn't that suppressing?

Well, if you allow them in without resistance, and then allow them to leave when they're done, it's not.

How do you do that?

When you notice the emotion, you stay still––as though you just saw a butterfly landing on a magenta orchid. You name the emotion or sensation ("pit in my stomach" or "alone"), and you allow it to be inside of you, without resisting it. At some point it'll dissolve (it may take an hour, one day or one minute). Then, you can go on with your life––that's letting go. And when the emotion comes back (which it probably will), you do it all over again.

Yeah but. Don't you need to process your emotions so that you can understand and counter them?

Well, that could lead to dwelling––ruminating, reliving, reminiscing. You could end up trapped in a past that can't be changed.

So? How do you allow the emotion to be inside of you without dwelling?

You become the observer. You watch what goes on inside your mind, without judging it or trying to fix or stop it.

For example?

Oh look! The Ghost of Time Indifference is telling me that my wound isn't healing fast enough; that by now, my son should be out and I should have a decent job with decent pay.

There! The Ghost of Exertion/Exhaustion is telling me that the three-inch long stitched wound on my ankle is but an excuse to be home all day, laying around doing nothing––and that my muscles are getting flabby!

Crucial: you don't grade or assign meaning to your emotions, and you don't judge yourself for experience certain emotions. You feel sadness? That's ok. Fear? Yup! Aloneness? Bring it in!

Because once you can be with any and every emotion, no matter how uncomfortable or unpleasant, nothing will stop you.

What emotion you couldn't be with, and once you accepted it, you saw it lose its power over you?

Love,

Carolina