#240 – Yeah, but why do you fear saying what you want to say?

It's not speaking the words we're afraid of – it's how our words will make the other person see us.

Since age two, your Ego has recorded how people react and respond to you. To help you learn how to get the best possible outcome, it matched your specific behaviors to the responses you got. Then, it made two response categories:

1. "I like"
2. "I don't want"

For your Ego, life's a chess game, where winning means to get more of the "I like" responses and fewer of the "I don't want" ones.

That's why the prospect of saying things that – you believe – won't land well with someone tends to freak you (the Ego) out. Because you assume – and you'll be right sometimes – that the other person's appreciation of you will diminish. Which is your Ego's mission to avoid.

Last Saturday, I helped two ladies buy their coffee-machines. I was eager to reward them with a new program the brand is rolling out, so we made arrangements to communicate during the week and complete their registration.

When I found out they weren't eligible for the $50 coffee-credit offer, I was "afraid" to tell them – I even considered paying them out of my own pocket.

Why? Because the alternative was to confront all the ways in which my Ego wanted me to think the customers would despise me:

• You overpromised – typical salesperson's lame tactic – ugh!
• You used us to achieve your quota – you're greedy!
• Yada-yada-yada...

Luckily, I realized what was handling my thoughts here, and stood up to it.

I'd made an honest mistake – my only intention was to give them the perk I thought I could. If these customers wanted to think I was a bad person, or greedy, or that I'd used them for my own gain, I wasn't going to try and change their minds.

Because whatever anyone thinks of me is none of my business. If my actions/words come from my True Self's motivation to help, but rub someone the wrong way, I'm sorry (giant ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ).

Adapting my behavior so that others perceive me a certain way is called manipulation, and I refuse to do it.

How will stop caring what other people think of you help you move forward?

Love,

Carolina