#426 – Ego, Ego on the wall, who's the smartest of them all?

The Ghost of Need to Prove is a foundational part of the underearner's mindset.

When we obey this Ghost's orders, at least 78% of our mind power goes into "proving" our knowledge, qualifications, merit. 

Years ago, my then boss took me to shadow him deliver a communication workshop for private bankers at a Midtown Manhattan bank. I'd be delivering the same workshop in Spanish soon and I needed to get the crux of it.

During a break, he asked me: "what are you learning?” I always felt tested by his questions, so I tried to pass with a clever answer. He cut me off: "The most important thing to know is that you're never the smartest person in the room with these guys."

He wasn't saying that I was less intelligent than "these guys." I needed to learn to embody humility, deference (even if performative), to metaphorically bow to them.

In other words, to feed the bankers' Egos and GoNtP––sycophancy?

I failed––I'm too transparent, my boss said. My own GoNtP was stronger than theirs. So I told them the truth: "your communication isn't effective because (jargon, jargon, jargon)." 

As expected, I got kicked out of programs––"she needs communication coaching," a banker said––although other groups said I was "the best" (you never know).

Now that my Ghosts and Ego are quieter, I see that yes, I was arrogantly proving I knew more about communication than they did. 

But also, they couldn't take feedback, so they sent the Huntsman to take me to the forest at night.

Either way, my Ghost of Need to Prove ruined my relationships and my 6-figure job in New York (another underearner trait: kill your prosperity).

How has toning down your Ghost of Need to Prove helped you improve your relationships?

Love,

Carolina