#461 – What are you saying when you pray for better?

If "someday, somewhere" is your motto, you'll never have peace because there'll always be a different "someday, somewhere" to aspire to.

That's what I realized yesterday, when I learned that moving out of state was an option under my son's community supervision regime but that staying no longer felt like an unsurmountable obstacle for his wellbeing and growth.

If both options are possible, I thought, which one's better?

"Better" seemed innocent at first, just a matter of pros and cons. But then I saw my Ego sneaking up on me. If one's "better," the other one's not good enough, it said, and you need to know the difference.

Ah, exactly! My Ego believes it can find a world where I'll never be uncomfortable, where I'll be forever safe and cozy. That if only I'm able to find it, I'll be fine––and my son won't spend his nights playing video games and we'll all be slim and athletic and all my grays will turn silky, shiny caramel streaks again.

Well, Ego, what if I told you you're wrong? What if this life is the one I'm supposed to live? What if I am enough, my son is enough, this apartment is enough?

If, as I quoted* yesterday, "Peace is this moment without judgment," then I can't put my eyes on "better," because that would mean the now can be "improved."

But that's a lie, because life, the present, reality can't be graded or qualified: they just are.

What do you actually want when you pray for "better?"

Love,

Carolina

* Dorothy S. Hunt.