#140 – How are you free?

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Back in my voice coaching days, a 14-year-old client was frustrated to notice that her voice changed across settings – particularly at stores, where her pitch would rise and her timbre soften to a whisper.

I explained this was natural: her voice mirrored her confidence, which fluctuated with circumstance.

Now I see it differently. If my confidence varies by location and activity, I'm not free. When I modify my behavior to be well-received, I'm submitting to an imagined power – the power to judge and condemn me if my presentation falls short.

Who's judging? My Ego, assisted by its chorus of Ghosts.

There's a distinction between empathetic adaptation – like speaking softly around a newborn in the hospital – and submission born from fear of reprimand. True, others might lack empathy and judge harshly.

But if I were truly free, their judgment wouldn't matter. They could insult me, ignore me, fire me, gossip endlessly. No problem at all – I'd be unmoved.

Yet I'm not free. I care what they think. I want to impress, to be seen as interesting, trustworthy, competent. And in that wanting, I remain captive to my Ego.

What I don't realize: the moment I stop caring what they think, my true self emerges – and that truth naturally draws others to see me as interesting, trustworthy, competent. Until then, I'm just presenting an Ego-approved caricature of my Self.

In what circumstances do you feel radically free?

Love,

Carolina