#7–The Ghost of Misplaced Shame, the Ghost of Isolation's crony

Shame hates company and ghosts disappear in the daylight.

That's why the Ghost of Misplaced Shame and the Ghost of Isolation work together. Because they know that if you told your truth, you'd bust them both at once.

I spent my childhood and teenage years keeping secrets that weren't mine. My Ghosts of Shame and Isolation grew strong––if only my friends and their parents, and my teachers, and my parents' friends, and my parents' friends children, and the neighbors knew what was really going on...

Then one day I said, "fuck it! those secrets aren't mine!," and I stopped keeping them.

But I didn't want my family to know that I was no longer keeping their secrets. And that became my secret.

I developed a double self: one for home, one for outside.

Outside I was normal. Just me. Sometimes bored, and boring. Moderately uninteresting.

At home, I was eternally cheerful because everyone was responsible for everyone else's moods and emotions, and I didn't want to be the one who brought in the drama!

My role at home was to make others feel good.

I became isolated at home, like a ghost myself. I could never show my real feelings. So I stopped feeling altogether––it was easier than acting.

How would committing to your truth change your life?

Love,

Carolina

PS: Thank you for witnessing me. As you might be able to tell, I'm processing my life here. I appreciate your coming along.