#60 – Pushback on your boundaries doesn't mean you're wrong

Judging by the amount of self-help books, podcasts, articles, and webinars devoted to it, setting healthy boundaries is not an easy task. (I've written about some reasons why in other posts.)

But if I expect that everyone will be happy about the boundaries I set, it becomes an impossible task.

When I was pregnant, I attended a prenatal course with a dozen other women. One day, the talk was about how to deal with unannounced (most likely unwanted) visits once the baby was born.

"Just say it's not a good time," and "we'll let you know when you can visit," the midwife advised.

Jaws dropped, gasps were heard, and uneasiness was palpable. "How could I ever say no to my mother-in-law [or auntie Carmen or neighbor or ...]?"

The midwife responded, "I know it seems difficult, but believe me, as the saying goes, it's better for your face to turn red for a moment than to stay yellow forever because you didn’t dare to speak up."

So, I'm here to remind you of these four principles (which I'm sure you already know):

1. Self-care: Your only responsibility is with yourself – let others take care of themselves.
2. Integrity: Your boundaries are for you, not for them; you set boundaries to protect your integrity, not to try and change other people's behavior.
3. Acceptance: Other people have the right to say "no" to your "no," which is where adult, mature communication and finding a third way come in.
4. Ownership: Just because others resist your boundaries doesn't mean you didn’t have the right to set them. Whatever they say, do, or feel is about them, not you.

Which of your boundaries were met with resistance but made your life better in the long run?

Love,

Carolina