#95 – Should you or should you not?

My father lived by 'moral obligations,' and one could think he was a devoted son, nephew, friend... But beneath that façade of devotion, he was simply following the commands of an internalized taskmaster.

'Obligation' is the noun form of 'to oblige,' which the Merriam-Webster dictionary defines as, "to constrain by physical, moral, or legal force or by the exigencies of circumstance." 

So, whenever we act out of 'moral obligation,' we're applying force to ourselves to make us do something we don't necessarily want to do.

That's how my father behaved. He took his elderly uncle to the doctor, he took his elderly mother to play bingo, he gave cash to his cousins when they were left out of their aunt's will. And all the while, he kind of dragged his feet and felt sorry for himself.

Until I became a coach, I thought it was ok because what matters is the act itself and the outcome.

But is it?

We often find ourselves, like my father, caught in the web of obligations, doing things because we feel we 'should'—not because they come from a place of genuine empathy.

How would you feel if you knew someone was calling you on your birthday out of 'moral obligation?' If you knew your son didn't enjoy visiting you on Sundays but pressured himself to come because it was the "right thing to do"?

And how do you feel when you're doing something only because your internal dictator forced you to?

The more you 'should' yourself, the more you're feeding your Ego (internal dictator), and the less you're embodying your True Self. The Ego craves external validation, so it 'shoulds' you to meet societal or familial expectations—not from what truly nourishes you. Once you internalize that pressure, the louder your Ego's voice is.

What would change for you if you let go of the self-imposed rules and allowed yourself to act from truth?

Love, 

Carolina