#416 – Why do you insist on being in charge?

Frustration only happens because you want things to be different. You then go into fixing mode, expecting to effect change––externally.

The result? Fists clenched, feet stomping, head shaking.

A more effective approach is to direct your effort inward. Instead of wanting the world to change so that you can be ok, you change inside so that you're ok with whatever life throws at you.

I've written and heard this more times than I can count. Yet I keep falling into the trap: I feel I can be in charge. Why?

Yesterday, I became frustrated with my son: after 10 months in jail, and I still need to remind him to feed his cat and clean the litter box; I still need to keep asking him whether he found a counselor, made an appointment at the eye doctor.

Wait a minute––I need?

Precisely! That's the very source of my frustration: I need him to do things I want because I believe it's what he needs. But who am I to say what he needs before I take care of what I need?

Yes, I wanted my son to be different. I wanted things to change so that I could be ok––pure Ego, I know.

My son doesn't need to change for me to be ok.

The work is with me: I need to let go of my expectation and be ok with (and at times blown away by) who he really is.

What expectations will you release to set yourself free?

Love,

Carolina