#413 – How far will you go when you follow what's most alive in you?

The best-laid plan in the world won't get you anywhere if it leaves you "meh!"

Yesterday, I noticed how animated I was while telling someone about my AI job. Even though it was a phone conversation, my hands were making big, determined movements, and I was speaking fast. I noticed how easily I was able to articulate my thoughts.

This was "aliveness," something I hadn't felt for a long time.

"Hm," I wondered, "so maybe what drove me into generative linguistics was real passion?"

If that's true, then why did I leave it? Why did I become disenchanted with it?

For years I thought I simply was not built for that type of work. Maybe I was lazy? Not smart enough? Superficial?

Re-reading Taleb's Skin In The Game, I found the answer. What drove me out of linguistics was the industrialization of academic life, the politics of publication and peer review. How the "system" incentivizes group-think and clientelism as opposed to the true curiosity that originally fuels most researchers' work.

Those things left me half-dead inside. But my passion for language was never dead and now it's found an expression.

Understanding how language works and using this expertise to improve a product with real-life applications brings me alive. Seeking the approval of academics with the power to decide whose ideas are given a platform put my fire out.

During the five years I pursued coaching, the aliveness wasn't there but I didn't listen. I pushed through, investing time, money, and energy, and didn't get anywhere.

Now, the way my body reacts every time I open my laptop to start my work tells me this is a fit. I feel fulfilled. Alive.

Where do you feel aliveness in you?

Love,

Carolina