#463 – How do your relationships strengthen when you stop "trying to help?"

When you see someone you love suffering, you want to jump in and save them. It’s the most natural thing to do, no? It’s also toxic for a relationship.

This morning I realized my son had again eaten an inordinate amount (in my opinion) of food during the night, and I got concerned––as usual.

Even though the food we keep at home is mostly healthy, I have strong opinions about nighttime eating (don't) and portions (small). So my Ego, in all its arrogance, got to work.

As I was rehearsing how to approach the conversation, I realized something more important: whatever the behavior, I’m not seeing what’s underneath. And that’s what matters.

Because I can’t see the pain he’s trying to numb, the most loving act is to step back. To say nothing. To witness without pressure or expectation. To be there, for when and if he asks.

A friend reminded me today that addiction is a self-diagnosed disease––no one can diagnose it for you.

I get it: true love looks like trust, not intervention.

How will your relationships deepen when you replace “helping” with presence?

Love,

Carolina