#119 – How Does the Ego Sabotage Client Relationships?

In June 2018, I had an engagement with a well-known financial institution in Lower Manhattan. My boss warned me, "These are the smartest people in the world." Many of the participants in my sessions believed the same about themselves.

But I seemed unfazed by this unfathomable level of intelligence—a crime, apparently.

Worse still, my Ego kicked in, reacting with grandiosity (a common reaction when we feel insecure), signaling that I didn’t see myself as lesser. After all, whom did they think they were dealing with? I had a PhD!

Predictably, a battle of Egos followed.

When giving feedback to a newly promoted Managing Director on their verbal and non-verbal communication, my Ego took over. I can see now that I was arrogant and confrontational, aiming, embarrassingly, to knock them down a peg. I wanted to teach them a lesson—that their title didn’t make them the hero they thought they were.

I was fully in Ego mode: showing contempt, judging them, and driven by a desire for revenge (though for what, I couldn’t say).

Unsurprisingly, it didn’t end well. Despite designing the sessions that other consultants at my firm were delivering with wild success, I was taken off the project. The feedback said I needed communication coaching.

Me, needing communication coaching? My Ego launched into a tirade about their “snowflake” sensibilities, their inability to take honest feedback, their sheer mediocrity.

Six years, multiple coaching certifications, and countless meditation sittings later, I see exactly what they meant.

I did indeed need communication coaching—starting with muting my own Ego.

When did stepping out of Ego mode help you salvage a relationship?

Love,

Carolina