#286 – Can your attachment to being 'strong' keep you from accepting reality?

Yesterday I had surgery. A sore that'd been on my ankle for four years turned out to be a basal cell skin cancer and needed to be removed.

Today, I'm seeing how much the Ghost of Need to Prove still has a grip on me.

ONE––I didn't tell anyone about the surgery.

Why not? The GoNtP made me prove I'm not weak––I didn't need "pity" or help or support. I can go to the doctor's office for the surgery alone, thank you very much!

TWO––Despite the pain (since there's not a lot of skin in the ankle, closing the wound required a lot of stretching and many stitches), I still want to do normal life.

Why? The GoNtP tells me that if I'm not useful, then I'm useless. If I don't go to the store, cook dinner, make sure everything is perfect, then I'm lazy (says the Ghost of Misplaced Guilt).

And then (answering the "so what" question), I'll be rejected (according to the Ego).

And then I'll be shamed (the Ghost of Misplaced Shame will ensure that).

And then I'll die.

THREE––I refuse cancer.

Why? Because cancer is a defect and the GoNtP, reading my health charts, says I'm expected to be perfectly healthy––no cholesterol, no iron deficiency, and certainly not cancer!

BUT, if I ignore the Ghosts and the Ego, my experience can be one of gratitude:

• I went to the dermatologist (okay, four years later, but I did)
• I have health insurance, and it covered this important intervention
• I have time to rest and recover
• I have time to write and no ways to find excuses not to (like, deep-cleaning the fridge, walking to a store 1.5 miles away because they have the best garlics in town...)
• My retail job gave me PTO this weekend
• There's enough cooked food in the fridge
• Facing this "health scare" means one more step in my growth

So, thank you, Ego and Ghosts for pointing me, one more time, to fears that I can let go.

Thank you, life.

Who are you when you quit needing to be useful/productive?

Love,

Carolina

PS: Book II in the series, Going Deeper Into Your Power, is available to purchase in e-book and paperback formats. Thank you.