#361 – What do you expect from yourself, deep down?

When life gives you lemons, do you ask yourself, "where did I go wrong?"

Even though you know with your rational mind that life is life and is not paying attention to your wants and needs, do you feel flawed for not being able to get what you think you need?

And then, does the realization of your faultiness push you into hiding until some big win makes you forget that you're indeed not perfect, so you can go back into the world, all victorious and toothy smiles?

"Yes to all" is my answer.

I learned that one afternoon, years ago, when my friend IL and I waited in the Fulton Street station in New York. Amidst the screeching noise of the train approaching, she shouted, "it looks like you only want to tell me the amazingly good news––what's going on?"

Yeah, what was going on, I wondered.

This morning, walking by the Ocean Drive restaurants getting prepped for breakfast, I thought about some words on my son's forensic psychiatric evaluation (to assess whether he poses a "risk" to society––spoiler alert: he doesn't).

Both my son and I expect perfection and flawlessness from ourselves. And when external events prove that we're imperfect and flawed (surprise!), we don't want to be seen.

Of course, that's the relentless and super effective work of the Ego and the Ghosts.

Now my True Self's work is to become okay with being flawed and imperfect.

What expectations about yourself will you abandon to free yourself from your Ego's grip?

Love,

Carolina