#180 – But what if they *really* hurt me?

When someone causes us (or someone we care about) harm, a common reaction is anger.

After the initial shock, as we replay the act in our head, our desire for justice and reparation becomes vindictive in the hands of our Ego who, in its righteousness, urges us to wish them as much suffering as we're experiencing.

Deeming their actions as despicable makes us question: would forgiving the person mean that I condone their behavior, or the harm they caused?

In June of 2024, I had a painful experience in my gynecologist's office.

I was alone in the room, already prepared for a uterine procedure, when he entered, holding a loaded syringe. He said, "I'm going to give you something that'll make you feel good." I asked him what it was and he said, "It's a narcotic."

I protested, "No! I don't want that."

"Why not?" he asked, "it'll make you feel good." I said, more agitated now, "I can't. My sister is a heroin addict and I can't have a narcotic."

Ignoring my protests, he grabbed my left arm and injected me the narcotic. He then turned off the lights and said, before leaving the room, "Now relax. I'll be back in a minute."

While his actions are 'unforgivable,' they're not him. He's a human being and, like all human beings, is entitled to making mistakes.

Giving me a narcotic without my consent is, in my opinion, a very serious mistake and he could face legal consequences for it.

But it was my self-victimization which would've made me unable to forgive him. If I felt sorry for myself – for being the little sister of an addict, for carrying this trauma for all these years, for being ignored by a man in a position of power – I wouldn't be able to let go of my "attack thoughts" toward him.

If, instead, I view my personal history as a sequence of events and let go of the emotions they triggered in me, I can take one more step and choose liberation through forgiveness.

No more self-victimization – if I want to protect other women from a man who abuses his power, I can take legal action.

No more desire to see him suffer – which, in reality, harms only me; he wouldn't even notice.

To forgive him is to set myself free from his load on my spirit. And that's what I choose.

What load are you ready to set down?

Love,

Carolina