#182 – Who gets in the way of your forgiving?

During a therapy session in a TV series, a woman whose husband had an affair says she judges herself for having forgiven him. That she knows she shouldn't stay with him and feels guilty for loving him.

I know it's fiction, but the words sounded so familiar. The stance that, if someone did you wrong, you ought never to forgive them, or else, you'd be condoning their behavior – which you will never in a million years!

Needless to say, that hardcore need-to-stand-your-ground part of you is your Ego. It was the Ego judging the woman in the fictionalized therapy session – not her True Self.

The Ego wants what it thinks is Justice – with capital J – which tends to be punishment and "now you'll face the consequences" attitude. Time out. Cancel. Separation – you're bad, I'm good. You're bad because you did me wrong. I'm good because I'm the victim.

The True Self wants connection, oneness. Love. And that's the challenge: how can we condemn someone's behavior and forgive them as a person at the same time?

Forgiving isn't weakness, as your Ego wants you to think. It's not selling out or being a doormat. It doesn't mean you'll allow people to harm you or "take advantage of you."

Your Ego wants you to hold your grudges and never let go of the things that harmed you in the past because it's afraid.

But forgiving someone while condemning their behavior is what courage looks like. It means you see the light in others, even when it's hidden underneath layers and layers of self-protection – which you know you also have.

Now, you have the right to not want to be in relationship with someone who hurt you. But remember this: forgiveness is for you, not for them – tell your Ego that.

When did you find the courage to condemn someone's behavior while forgiving them?

Love,

Carolina