#179 – Forgiveness is key, but how do you actually do it?

During a group coaching call, a participant asked the question: "how do you forgive someone or yourself, practically speaking? What do you actually do?"

I understand that question down in my bones, as I wrestle with the acts of forgiveness I need to do in order to move forward.

This morning, I was pondering the topic to write this piece when I noticed my husband casually reading the newspaper before leaving for work.

Meanwhile, I had just put the laundry in the washer, cleaned up the litter box and taken the garbage out to the dumpster. When I saw the bed still unmade, the thoughts, "the nerve he has!" and "can't he just for once make the bed?"

As I passively-aggressively banged on the mattress to make it very audible that I was making the bed, disguising the action as smoothing out the topper and stretching out the sheet, I became aware of my infantility. In an instant, the thought, "if you want to ask him to make the bed, ask him – with words!"

I came down to my senses: he's going to work and I have an open schedule for my day. In my own time, I can relax, shop for groceries, write this piece, maybe go look for a set of latte cups. True, I sometimes stress over my lack of a regular source of income that fully covers our expenses, but I can very well make the bed and other things around the house. He's actually doing nothing I'd be justified to find wrong.

Then I noticed: forgiveness is about letting go of attack thoughts like, "the nerve he has!" And attack thoughts arise from self-victimization – like when I justify I need to be taken care of because I'm stressed over my income or I feel sorry for myself for any other reason.

So, I'm trying out an experiment: anytime an attack thought comes to mind, I'll simply say, "no" and stop thinking it. And anytime I feel sorry for myself or that someone has done me dirty, I'll simply say, "it's ok. I'm ok."

What thoughts will you say no to in order to deepen your forgiveness?

May the new year bring peace and joy to all our hearts.

Love,

Carolina