#171 – What's the 2% truth in what my "opponent" is saying?

Picture the scene: you're having one of those spinning-stuck arguments with someone. You both know it's going nowhere and nevertheless, you persist.

The only way to move forward (and stay connected) is, as I wrote in yesterday's essay, to ask yourself, "What's 2% true in what they're saying (or doing)?"

Once you've identified that tiny patch of common ground, you zoom out to look at the quality which irritates you the most about them (their attitude, words, or ideas).

And then you turn the lens inward and ask yourself, "How does this quality also show up in me?"

This exercise led me to two powerful revelations about myself. I was with my sister in Costa Rica when I noticed she judged everything – the pineaple was too sweet, the table was a little too tall, the knives weren't sharp enough.

Rather than noticing, I was judging her behavior as "bad." The same quality that was irritating me about her was present in me, making me miserable because "I couldn't stand her judging everything" – my Ego couldn't!

But I wasn't saying anything because I wanted to look a certain way: "zen," "tolerant," "wise" – my Ghost of Need to Prove wanted me to.

What trait irritates you most about others – and where does it live in you?

Love,

Carolina

PS: You can now read the first 91 essays in this series in my book, Unfolding Your Mind: Notes on Ghosts, Power, and the Self. If you’d like to buy it for you or someone else, you can get it on Kindle or paperback here. Thank you!