#446 – What about your freedom triggers my Ego?

On a recent Zoom meeting, someone wrote in the chat that they felt “triggered” by another person's pronouns.

What can be triggering about a person’s choice to display the pronouns they want for themselves? An individual decision that doesn’t affect anyone else’s life?

The answer is simple: it’s not the person who feels “triggered” by this freedom of expression. It’s their Ego.

“Being triggered” is a fear response to what the Ego (the most immature part of us) perceives as a threat.

Say I’m walking in my neighborhood. A car doesn’t stop at the pedestrian crossing and almost runs me over. My Ego goes berserk. Thinking I’m in danger, it takes charge the only way it knows: by pointing its finger, one arm akimbo, berating the driver.

My Ego, a five-year-old terrified of adult scolding, thinks that’s the stance that will keep me safe. Until I come out of the trance, my Ego is at the wheel: I’m “triggered.”

When your freedom of expression triggers fear in my Ego, it’s because it believes your freedom puts me in danger.

Why? Because the Ego needs control.

Control comes from certainty and stability (re: no change). To the Ego, if anyone can choose their pronouns, chaos! If anyone can decide what to do with their body and life, nothing is certain or stable––so, chaos! And if anything can change at any given time, we're in danger and we're all gonna die!

The problem of polarization isn’t political. It’s psychological. It’s about Ego-based fear.

If we want to survive together, we need to quiet our Egos enough to understand that freedom, the sort of freedom that doesn't physically harm others, is safe for everyone.

When did you realize that someone's freedom of expression wasn't a threat to your wellbeing?

Love,

Carolina

(Of course, not every so-called freedom is benign. The “freedom” to traffic humans, or to kill someone because you disagree with them isn't freedom––it's a crime. I’m talking about the kind of freedom that doesn’t interfere with other people’s lives or physical wellbeing.)