#271 – What does the Ghost of Misplaced Shame want from you?

Two or three months into his incarceration, my son told me, "I have this shame..." and left the sentence hanging, not knowing what else to say.

I understood but didn't agree because I knew the culprit was his Ghost of Misplaced Shame (GoMS).

I asked him some questions about the feeling. Why did he think he felt it? What was the shame about? What could be causing it?

As he answered, patiently, he spotted his GoMS pulling the strings up in his mind.

He felt stupid for thinking he could have a civil conversation with a doctor, and even stupider for thinking he could influence the doctor's behavior by talking. He felt sad for having caused him harm, even though this person had tried to hold him up, grab his phone from him, and take him down with a judo move.

The mugshot, the news story, plus the comments on YouTube, the Judge denying him bond... all that fueled the Ghost, fat with pride at its prowess. It was doing such an effective job, that my son even seriously considered changing his name. He wanted to shrink and, if possible, disappear completely.

Fortunately, he's outgrown the Ghost. We all have (I also felt shame for having a son in jail).

Now he very much regrets causing someone harm –– even if he acted in self-defense. He's learned that it's best to run away than to engage in violence –– even when someone else initiates it.

And the best news is, he now wants to tell his story to the world, in his own voice and his real name.

What part of you did the Ghost of Misplaced Shame want you to hide?

Love,

Carolina