Sex Positive You: Issue 48

Hi loves,

(Sex portion of this newsletter is below under "Back to Sex!"). We are 12 days into Black History month, even if the federal government pretends we're not. We're 3 weeks into intentionally overwhelming executive orders and legislative battles, some of which will stick and some which won't but much of which is actively harming people. There is a ceasefire, but harm continues. There is so much going wrong,

I echo the reminders that you can't be doing all of the things and in all of the things. There is too much. Pick a focus - it doesn't mean that the rest doesn't matter, it means that you have something about which you can center your energy. And it's also a both/and. In organizing, we want to center the most marginalized in our efforts because trickle-down doesn't work in finances and it doesn't work in human rights.

For example, if abortion is your issue, think about who is most impacted when it comes to accessing abortion as a way to center your efforts:

• folks in states outlawing abortions
• those with financial difficulties
• undocumented people
• physically disabled people without adequate transport
• minors
• people whose families and community are unsupportive
• trans masculine people and people of color who are more likely to get shittier treatment
• people in abusive relationships
• those with a combination of these situations

This is what we mean when we say center the most marginalized and be intersectional in your efforts - it's awareness that within any issue, some people are more impacted and by addressing the needs of those most impacted, everyone benefits. As a 34-year-old cisgender woman with the body parts needed to get pregnant, I am personally impacted by restrictive abortion legislation. However, I have a supportive family, I can afford to travel and fund my own abortion, I am not at risk of deportation if found, etc. Campaigns centering the needs of those like me would fail to serve the many who have additional restrictions on their access. If you're unfamiliar with Kimberle Crenshaw's intersectionality, I recommend reading this.

Since we're on the topic of abortions, I offer free abortion doula services both in person in Puerto Rico and virtually. I was trained by Ash Williams. Just reply to this email if you want support. Also, while NOT a form of abortion, Plan B and Ella (the morning after pills) can help prevent the need for an abortion and are available for cash at Costco.

Back to Sex!

Intimacy Killer

I'm back to posting on Insta but with even more restrictions, it's exhausting. After an hour, today's post was seen by 0% of my audience. Not even my husband who likes all of my posts... That's why Substack really is my main place now. I mini-blew up there because of a note (think of it as a long tweet) that began, "If you avoid initiating touch or intimacy because you worry it implies you want sex—and then feel obliged to follow through—keep reading (and brace for some TMI)."

The point of the note was that despite being in physical pain and feeling sick, I was able to have pleasurable sex because there was no pressure to have sex. In case you didn't know, obligation kills libido. That's why when couples come for coaching sessions about mismatched libidos, one of my first questions is about whether the lower libido person ever has sex out of obligation/desire to please. Most times, the answer it going to be yes and it's a great starting point for identifying how to re-build body trust and mutual interest. I'll be talking more about this later this month on Substack. AND, for those who are paid subscribers on Substack, you'll receive a worksheet to help you develop the skills of creating and taking space to increase intimacy!

Posts & Podcasts to Check out

• How do I communicate with a partner who doesn’t want to try anything new?
• Visioning Bingo (and this one has bonuses for paid subscribers)
• Time to Orgasm
• More Erection Legislation, Please
• Girl Boss Red Flags Podcast episode: navigating sex, relationships, and pleasure

Spread the good word

I'll be hosting a virtual workshop, "Mapping Your Arousal: A Workshop for Pleasure & Self-Discovery," in early March!

I've got a bunch of emails ready to remind you to get your tickets, especially before early bird pricing ends. If you don't want to receive emails about the event, update your preferences here.

Interested in hosting an event or workshop in your area? Let’s make it happen—reach out to me directly or let me know about places that might want to host me :) If you book me for an event, you receive 5% of the profits, too (or donated to a place of your choice)!

Free Coaching Opportunity

Don’t forget, I offer a free half-hour private session each month to a new BIPOC or queer/trans/NB client. If you or someone you know could benefit from this, fill out the form, and let’s connect.

Same form if you are looking for coaching sessions and coaching packages.

Until next month,

Yael

P.S. If you are in the sexology field, I host a free sexology co-working space 2x/week. If you'd like to join or want more information, reply to this email letting me know!

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